Potty Training and Jesus: The Sequel

It's been sometime since I first wrote about potty training my first child Daisy. A lot has happened in that time. She is doing excellent and I couldn't be prouder. But just like the Bible uses relatable scenarios and pictures to explore the Kingdom, potty training has been no different.

I've been reflecting on some internal struggles that have been surfacing related to potty training. It has been liberating in ways; less diapers, less to carry in the diaper bag. Yet I still find myself frustrated, annoyed, and even angry at times with my daughter concerning toileting. I had to have an open and honest conversation with myself and God about this. I concluded two things: 1. My daughter's physical maturing has caused me to be inconvenienced. 2. My daughter's physical maturing wrestles with my control.

First, I'll emphasize I am proud that my daughter has reached this milestone. For the longest time I thought this would never come. We attempted two times before this that ended in tears, hers, mine or both. Nevertheless where I was able to finally experience this relief, I also experienced annoyance and inconvenience. I now am a slave to her bladder. If she has to go I have to stop everything and get her to a bathroom.

We learned this concept more than once on our recent 6+ hour trek to and from NJ this past weekend. Just before we reached the last part of our long ride home I heard the fatal words "Mommy, I gotta go potty!" Of course every gas station GPS led us to was closed. It happened to be 11pm on a Holiday Sunday. The last one we found was open but, the attendant with a smirk announced, their bathroom was broken. Because it was Resurrection Sunday, I did not throat punch that kid! Can you not hear my 3 year old sobbing? Is it really broken or you're lazy?! Isn't it interesting how our kids pain can cause us to forget we're civilized adults?

Finally giving up with the attendant, I took her out to find the darkest and most secluded spot to squat and pee. She wouldn't do it. She just sobbed louder. I thought back to my childhood where we had to do this all the time. My grandma lived in the middle of nowhere in a town where everything closed by 8pm EVERYDAY. If you had to pee, you were squatting somewhere! As my frustration grew and my temper shortened, I was close to screaming "Why won't you just do what I want!" That was the point. She couldn't just do what I wanted. I had to meet her where she was physically, mentally, and emotionally at and our two places did not match. I couldn't control this situation. I couldn't control this by extra inserts in the diaper, toys, or even snacks to pacify her till I could get around to changing her. No. If she had to go, everything stopped. This new need required me to give up all my wants. Her maturity required my sacrifice. And at 11pm in the middle of nowhere, I didn't want to sacrifice. I missed the old days when I had more control, but this leads me to my last point.

A large point of parenting is preparing our children to control and run their own lives. When they are small you have to do everything for them. Babies can not survive alone. They are helpless. However as children grow, we are actually teaching them to no longer need us. Yes we always "need" our parents in an emotional sense but, we are preparing them for a life not dependent on us. Though it seems insignificant, potty training is part of this. I'm teaching my child to listen to her body, learn her own cues, and know what to do so, eventually I don't have to go with her. I'm raising a future independent autonomous human and not a dependent and subdued robot.

Moreover I realized as much as I claimed I wanted freedom from diapers, it meant I became a little less needed. Despite the fact she's only 3, every milestone and year points to her leaving me. Potty training exposed my need to be needed. As parents we can easily let being a parent become our identity. We can let who we've been for decades now be defined by the little people we created. It can be easy to wrap our world around our children. This all seems fine until they try to unwrap this and break free. Nonetheless, this is what they're supposed to do. They are to unwrap and leave our nest. The bible even references that when a man marries, he's to leave and be joined to his wife. (Matthew 19:5) There is growth and advancement that can only come through leaving. I will have a defining moment along with smaller moments where I will have to let Daisy go or Daisy won't grow.

However, there is good news here. God never wants us to stop being dependent on Him. He knows that perfect dichotomy of letting us grow and exercise our wings, while still nestling us close like little chicks. No matter how much we grow in God and mature, we still need to stay connected to Him as our lifeline. Where our kids can eventually leave and survive, we can not do this with God. If I do try to live apart from Him what I consider "living" ins't truly a life worth living. Connection to the Source sustains me. Acts 17:28 says "For in him we live and move and have our being..." I am because I am in Him. I exist because He exists. Despite Daisy slowly moving away from me, I can always move closer to Him. If I want to grow in God I need to move closer.

God often uses real life situations to paint a spiritual point. Potty training is no different. It has exposed my struggle for and with control. It has illuminated my need to be needed. Nonetheless, He is showing me when I give Him control, my life actually is in order. He is showing me I can never outgrow my need for Him. Ironically, the moment I think I no longer need God, is actually when I stop growing. Never stop growing. Cling to Him.