From Homeless To A Home- Personal Journey And Testimony

Oftentimes bad news or trials come out of nowhere. You’re going about your day, just like any other day, and “suddenly” happens. And just like that, life is never the same. I fully believe that those “suddenly” moments test our character, test our resolve, and expose what is truly in our hearts. It also is in those “suddenly" times, you find out who you are anchored to, how strongly you are anchored, and the depth of it.

About 3 weeks ago we had a “suddenly” moment. We went about our day like any other and in the expanse of hours, we were homeless. We had been staying with family since moving back to New York from Pennsylvania. Suddenly there was a complaint from a neighbor about us being there. We would have to move. The date for us to move out went from 2 months, to 1 month, to 1 week, to a knock on the door saying we’d have to go now!

Before that fateful knock came, I had a pressing feeling to just get away and pray. I just needed to spend some time with the Lord and that feeling was persistent. Thankfully, my mother watched my kids. I went to Panera and found a quiet secluded spot. I spent time reflecting on Exodus 14. God had had me plant roots in that portion of scripture for over a week at that point. Then the call came that we had to leave immediately. Things in life may come suddenly, but God often prepares our spirits for it. I fully believe had I not taken that time with God, my response to the news would have been much different. I did cry in that lonely corner in Panera bread, but I had peace through every tear. I had an overwhelming sense that we would be okay, despite not knowing what lay ahead. That’s what I mean when I say God prepares our spirit. Our mind may want to take over and run with anxiety and fear like it’s a sprint, but our spirit says “God is in control even when I’ve lost my ability to control my circumstances.”

Without much of a plan at the time, my husband and I rounded up what we’d thought we’d need, the kids, and went to a hotel. I thanked God that Steve had gotten paid that same day, so at least we had an option, rather than a shelter for the night. That first night was rough trying to get your kids to sleep in one big room and losing all sense of privacy. Not that kids allow you any true long term privacy, but we yearned for privacy just to talk, pray, and figure out our next move. It was hard pressed to accomplish that with a screaming newborn, a rambunctious toddler, and a 16 month old.

In the midst of that first weekend in a hotel, one thing I didn’t do was ask “why”. I’ve learned over these last few years as we’ve gone through a separate storm, that “why” is the wrong question to ask God. I do believe we all go through a time where we will ask that, but as God changes and shapes us, the true question becomes “What are You showing me? God, what do you want to teach me or want me to learn from this situation?" Those questions, I feel, yield better and long lasting results. It takes your situation from “this is unfair” to “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” As I allow God to shape and mold me during my trial oftentimes, I eventually see the “why” later.

Why did we end up suddenly on the street? Because it was finally time for us to go and be on our own. God said it was time. I had been asking for almost a year for God to tell us when it was time to move out and go, but there was never peace to leave. I’ve learned the hard way that just determining you’ve had enough and stepping out is not the same as God releasing you. That knock on the door saying to leave immediately was actually our answer to prayer. Since He allowed it to come at that moment, I needed to trust that the provision we needed would also come. If God pushes you out of the nest of your current situation or comfort zone, He is not making it up as He goes along. Where He guides He does provide. It doesn’t mean there won’t be discomfort, but it does mean He will walk us through it and be there for each step.

I cried many tears in these 3 weeks. Tears of thankfulness. Tears of worry. Tears of feeling like I failed my kids. Those tears were the hardest. Packing up our things every few days and moving to a new hotel really takes a toll on your mental health. Figuring out what you’ll do with yourself and your kids till your next allowed hotel check in, also plays with your mental health. Riding around with your possessions in your trunk really puts perspective on what “value” really means. I questioned whether spending all our money on hotels was wise. I questioned whether we should have just gone to a shelter. I questioned many things in those 3 weeks. Questions don’t represent an absence of faith, they are a sign of being human. Mistakes don’t mean an absence of faith either. Again, it’s another sign we are human. True faith, says I will not give up on my trust that God will see me through this and will deliver on all He has promised. Faith is believing God at His word.

God was eventually taking my family to a better place, a new direction, and to a new position of blessing. We just needed to hang on. However, there is an enemy that does not want you to have the things God has prepared. He was relentless trying to throw doubt at me, depression, anxiety, worry, attack my relationship with my kids and attack my marriage. When that didn’t accomplish his goal, he went after my health. I have never in my life been so sick in such a short period of time. In the span of just over a week I ended up in the hospital twice. First, I was rushed to the ER and had to have surgery that same night. I was admitted for 4 days. I had a terrible reaction to the medication I was sent home with. Finally after 3 days of enduring almost unbearable pain, they stopped the meds. I began to feel better but, still something wasn’t right. BUT GOD! He sent me to the right doctor. She kept saying she didn’t have a good feeling about my leg and wanted it looked at. Turns out I had a blood clot! I had had no typical signs of a clot and the med side effects actually masked a lot of them. God takes care of His children!

This has been a tough 3 weeks. I won’t pretend to be pious and say it was a piece of cake. I’ve experienced some of the toughest moments I’ve endured in a while. However, going back to my opening thought, my anchor held. The time I’ve spent seeking God, worshipping Him, reading the bible, held me when I needed to be held. What I put into my spirit, poured out when I needed it. When I’d feel anxiety growing and want to give up, scriptures would come to mind. When it took everything just to get to the car before I broke down in public, a song of hope would come in my mind. What we do in times of peace will carry us through times of trouble.

Now I sit here typing this story in our new apartment, in the area we wanted, in the price range we wanted. We are filled with peace and we can finally start to function as a “normal” family again. God carried us through this tough time and strengthened us. I am even more grateful for little things now. I remind myself more quickly to give all my cares to him. Even yesterday as it took more money than expected to move in here, I was tempted to freak out about all the things we still needed. You forget after being in hotels for so long you now have to stock an entire kitchen. I was able to calm myself and simply say that God knew we would have this need before I realized the need. He will take care of it. Later in the day a long time friend came by, and brought diapers, lunch, and a grocery store gift card! God is teaching me to take captive my worrisome thoughts, and let what my spirit knows about His nature and track record of provision rule out.

I would not want to relive these past weeks, but I am excited for the fruit that will come from it. I am excited for those God will have us reach and minister to because we walked through these 3 weeks. I had always thanked God that for as bad as things had gotten, we’ve never been homeless. Now we’ve been homeless and I can testify that God kept us and got us through it. God is truly the God of the impossible and if He helped us, He’ll help you. I’m excited for this new territory and testimony He’s given us. I am excited for more blessings to come. Even though He has blessed us with a new place of our own, it is not the end of the line on what He will send our way. We serve a lavish God! Please know that we also serve an active, gracious, loving, and miracle working God. There is truly nothing that is impossible for Him. If He helped us, He will help you. Just cling to Him. Anchor yourself to Him and watch what He will do in your impossible situation!