Friends and Frenemies

Fair-weather faith friends. They ditch you when life gets better and they no longer need you. On the other hand, when God starts blessing you, they can't stand to be around you. This is why when it feels like life is destroying you, it's even more important who you call "friend".

Lately I keep hearing Christians talking about a lack of friends and how difficult it is. I sincerely understand that. I've been in a friendship desert for many years now. However, I believe there's a few things God has shown me through my loneliness.

1. We need to be selective.

Jesus didn't accept the friend request of everyone that asked. Jesus did not let just anyone into His inner circle. He was selective. He prayerfully chose the 12, He didn't just take the first 12. Nonetheless, that seems what we're willing to do just to avoid being lonely. There is so much danger in that type of desperation. You can bypass checks in your spirit about people just to be around people. Not everyone is out for your good, including people of faith. That's why it is even more crucial that who we call our close faith friends be God established and/or led.

There is something troubling about people who know the truth, received the truth, but can stab you in the back. There is danger in fair-weather faith friends. At the root I believe, is selfishness. I'll roll with you as long as we stay equal. Once I'm in a better spot, I'm gone. Once your in a better spot, I don't want to be around you. Seeing how God has blessed you instead of me bothers me so much because, life is about me. I can't rejoice when you prosper or cry when your hurt because that would cause me to invest in something other than myself. People are things to be used instead of beings to be valued.

2 Timothy 3:2 already warned us this issue. "For people will be lovers of self..."

Philippians 2:3-4 "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

James 3:16 "For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice."

Scripture teaches selfishness causes trouble. But on the flip side, we should be examining ourselves too. Don't be afraid of "mirror revelations". Am I a selfish person? Am I a fair-weather faith friend? If yes, God change me! Teach me to love because we combat selfishness with love.

2. Loneliness can be refinement.

There are things that we can not learn in a crowd. There are things that God can only show us in solitude. There are times He whispers and we have to withdraw to hear it. Jesus withdrew and went into the wilderness. Moses withdrew to the mountain. They had a purposeful season of solitude that equipped them for the next part of the journey.

Instead of their solitude being depressing and debilitating, they were strengthened.

I know personally I would not have the relationship I have with God now had I not had this season alone with Him. When God becomes your only thing, He becomes your everything. I could either spend my time focusing on the trials or seek Him in my trials. This doesn't mean loneliness disappears, but it now has a purpose. It's no longer" Why me?" it's "Teach me. You have my full attention God." God uses loneliness to mature us if we're willing. He will never force us to grow. Like a good Father, He can set us in the opportune environment. Nevertheless, it's still up to us if we'll work with it or against it.

In closing, beware of fair-weather faith friends. As believers we want to assume all believers have our best interest at heart and are exactly who they portray themselves to be. In a perfect world yes, except we live in an imperfect fallen world. We need to use discernment even with believers. I don't say beware as a license to shun. We are still told to love. In tempering all things through love we actually learn how to be a friend. Love teaches us how to not be selfish.

Lastly, loneliness isn't always a negative thing. There are seasons of God designed loneliness. God designed loneliness are opportunities not punishments. God is seeking you out. He has something unique to share with you and through you. The duration of our loneliness may be attributed to the assignment He's preparing us for or simply because we aren't getting the concept. The children of Israel wandered longer than God intended because they didn't "get it". God may be saying He won't move you till you get this. It's too important. He doesn't want to take you out before you're ready. Embrace the solitude.